Living for ourselves
By Dr. Selim Erhan, TLT Editor | TLT From the Editor July 2025
I have seen the advantage of living a balanced life.
We are the closest person to ourselves, so one would think that of course we live for ourselves, but the more I think the more it seems the other way round. There is our family—especially children—our jobs, house projects, social obligations—and soon we are left far behind! As we are in the summer months, relaxing and preparing for the busier seasons, I think it is a good time to take a break and enjoy where we are.
I usually get up early Saturday morning, make a cup of coffee, put on some quiet music and leaf through an architectural magazine. These magazines feature nice houses, beautiful landscapes and are very inspiring. My imagination takes off while the rest of my mind relaxes. I sincerely recommend setting time for yourself, to put your phone where you cannot reach or it cannot reach you, and enjoy this inspiring, healing, motivating time.
We were recently discussing stress with a friend. We came to our humble conclusion that stress starts when more work is added than we have time to finish. If our day is already booked to the limit, and then we get another assignment, the computer in us rebels. There is no place to squeeze in another project, nor is it easy to take something off. It comes to a point where sometimes it shuts down. This is the body telling us, “Go and figure out a manageable list, then come back and let’s work on it.” This shut down may come in forms of extreme fatigue, anger, depression, sickness and all sorts of other ways to help us come back to a manageable list. I was so amazed when I first learned that the immune system shuts down when we are under stress. Our most important defense system stops working when we seemingly need it most! But if we think about it, when we get sick, the body stops, the mind stops and we are forced to calm down. The unfortunate part is when the immune system shuts down, we lose control over what kind of sickness we get. Viruses multiply unrestricted, tumors that are kept at bay flourish and sometimes the shutdown can be fatal. Then none of the projects get done!
After years of experience, now I make a master list. Every week I pick projects for that week. Every day I take on the projects for that day, making sure I build in a 30% buffer time for the very unexpected. There is always something unexpected. This is much easier for man because we think in boxes. We open that project box, and deal with what is inside without worrying about the other boxes. An article I read that talked about this said that men even have an empty box! The article said the empty box concept is much more difficult for the female brain where everything is connected to everything. To force oneself to a certain project and not think about others must be very challenging.
But can we live in an empty box for long periods of time? Obviously not. There are so many beautiful things to achieve that it would be a waste. A pit stop does the job. Or if we are constantly operating and we burn out, would that help our job, our loved ones or to maintain what we have worked so hard to build? Obviously not.
I am at an age where I have seen the advantage of living a balanced life—a life where we have balanced our time between ourselves, our spiritual thoughts, our family, our jobs, society and nature. If one of these pillars falls, this carefully built structure collapses. It usually happens at a time when it cannot be repaired. Many parents lose their children in wars. How do you repair that? Families are torn apart in divorces with so much damage to everyone, and nothing is the same after that. Luckly most people never reach such extremes but usually suffer some damage that can be avoided with careful, balanced planning.
My parents lived in a time when there were no phones in houses, no television and mostly no cars. Once the workday was over and the family got together, we had the undivided attention for each other. Useful or not, it was stress free. As more gadgets crept in, our reach extended far beyond our imagination. The amazement of being able to reach far ends of the world, access information anytime and receive information instantly was great. But we still have 24 hours a day. We still have an organism that needs rest, nourishment and careful development. We must have a master list that keeps our thoughts and actions in boundaries for optimum achievement, development, enjoyment and health. I always remember the great example of airplane safety reminders before takeoff. At one point they remind us that if needed, put on our oxygen mask first before we help our child or others. If we are gone, we cannot help anyone!
Dr. Selim Erhan is president of Erbur Solutions in Trout Valley, Ill. You can reach him at selim.erhan251@gmail.com.